Jump to content

The Therapy Thread


dekupk5
 Share

Recommended Posts

Stress? Where do I start?

Well I have three exams in three days starting from today (the first one is in less than two hours). This one is on thermodynamics and I've been stressing over it for more than a week now. It's not that it's too difficult (I need 66% to get the highest grade when my coursework is included) but just that I don't feel I understand it well enough despite being able to do all the calculations/derivations I need for the exam.

Tomorrow I have an exam on planets, which may as well be called 'everything about the solar system ever'. There's just so much I need to know that while anything involving numbers should be simple and straightforward I have absolutely no idea of what I should be focusing on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am pretty sure I'm going to be getting a nice talk from Zeth or Shadow for this, but hey, just following the topic's rules:

 

I am a moderator here, yes? Yes. Well, it sure as shit doesn't feel like it, because there are some members here that will not listen to any motherfucking warnings I give whatsoever.

To stay on topic, specifically. And then a certain member starts a BIG fuss over it all, just because he always has to be right. Then said member now flames me with practically every post of his. Oh, boy! Yeah, we might as well just demote me and call it a day, since I am the least respected(or, hell, only) moderator of the site. Yes, I know there's some people here who do respect me, but fuck. Some people take it too far with the disrespect, I'm telling you. It doesn't matter how fucking calm I can be, ignore this warning, flame this post of mine -- whatever! Oh yeah, and then we have a certain member blatantly going against my words of keeping the URA thread on-topic, by jokingly making a SOPA post. Of course, that is very respectful.

 

And then, while it does not concern me as much due to me being a URA beta tester only, I am sick of fucking seeing people constantly bitch and complain about there being no trailer 3 yet, and then we have some members make snide remarks in the URA topic, too. Honestly, some people have no idea all of the factors going into this, and the issues a lot of the team has in real life which effect these sorts of things. People who constantly make snide remarks in the URA thread piss me off to no end. And then there was the recent flood of off-topic SOPA/PITA posts caused by a certain person's question that made practically no sense, and that did wonders for the topic! Oh yeah, and did I also mention nobody would listen when I told people to stay on topic? I believe only a few actually did.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's been close to two years since I passed my vocational education as an office management assistant, and I have had one single job interview despite sending out by now countless applications. Problems are: 1) a merely average exam result and 2) illness-related holes in my resume. I probably wouldn't hire myself, seeing how every year there's more and more office assistants coming onto the job market, most of which achieved a better overall result than I did! Also, seeing how I haven't yet worked anywhere as a regular employee, the employment agency or any related organization will not pay for any kind of retraining as, say, a computer scientist. I've already sort of worked as one, during an internship at a small consulting firm where I coded them most of a risk management system in PHP using MySQL (who also originally wanted to hire me afterwards - the manager even joked, at the end of the internship, that he'd like to handcuff me to the desk so that I don't leave - which sadly coincided with the current economic crisis). However, I don't have anything official in regards to exams passed in the field, certificates, etc., so no one on this certificate-fixated job market would even invite me to an interview as a, picking something small, web designer or whatever!

 

So yeah, living from social welfare (Germany's infamous "Hartz IV"), which really is not much, at least when you have hobbies. 600-odd Euro a month might sound like much, but subtracting the rent (which they luckily pay, regular welfare rate is 300-odd Euro), electricity, phone and internet, household costs, etc., there's not much left for ex. anime or games - manga are cheap and there's good bargain bin games and flea markets here and there, but overall, forget having hobbies when on welfare. Plus, even if I decided to sell something to get some money - say, my copy of Mega Man: Wily Wars for Mega Drive - I'd have to fear that they count it as an income at the next bank account checks, which they'd subtract from the next month's payment! I recently had gotten credit on my heating costs as I was heating sparingly, a few hundred Euro actually, which, as the law says, I told them about as to not get into trouble. And guess what? That counted as income for that month, despite most of the heating period for which I had gotten the credits falling before even recieving Hartz IV! That happened November/December, I think, so in December I only got my rent payed by them.

 

I'm not saying my life sucks... I mean, I'm not living under the proverbial, or in certain cases literal bridge. But this isn't much of a "life", either. I cannot just go out and buy something more expensive than some manga or cheap games. Say my PCs all die from, dunno, a power surge or something - knock on wood that this will never happen -, I would have no idea how to get another one that isn't an unusably old and slow wreck! I believe there's certain things social welfare will arrange special one-time payments for (household applicances and such, I think) but who knows if a PC falls under that, or what kinda PC.

 

Well... yeah. Enough ranting from me. Gonna grab something to eat, hadn't yet felt like eating anything today...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well once again the lecturer has proven what an arsehole he can be.

So what's up? Well to start with he decided they'd be teaching us a third year module so that we've essentially missed a year's worth of knowledge that should have formed the basis of that course. Okay, that's not too bad because most of us can cope with the increased difficulty. However, it is a little unfair on people like me whose college never taught them the very basics of the course that we are now expected to know. This doesn't bother me too much because I have still managed to learn everything that we've been given.

But here's where things get really stupid. My friends and I have been practising the old third year papers and we got to the point where we thought we were prepared and would be able to answer all the questions that might come up. Wrong. The lecturer decided he would set questions that were harder than anything that had been set previously and was even kind enough to slip in a few questions about things that we hadn't even been taught. I don't think this is fair because given any of the previous exam papers I could have scored a good 20% (guess) higher than what I probably got from this one. Yes, it's just one module, but it could still mean the difference between coming out with the best grade and not. I am never satisfied with my own work, so for me getting a degree that isn't a first will seem like a waste of time and money. Three years and >£20000 is a big deal.

 

tl;dr I'm scared of underachieving.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have nearly no friends outside of the internet. Everyone at my univercity is scarred of me because I have very-mild Autism. So everyone thinks of me as the retarded guy with no friends. The only friend I have moved half way accross the world back in high school. I'm one of the youngest and smartest people in the place, yet nobody will talk to me. I thought my problems would go away when left Jr. High, but they have been getting worse ever since. The only reason everyone knows that i'm Autistic is because some idiot spred the word around the entire school, and now everyone hates me. Right now I live in an apartment alone, my only friend being my computer. I don't really have any other problems with life, I'm just alone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have nearly no friends outside of the internet. Everyone at my univercity is scarred of me because I have very-mild Autism. So everyone thinks of me as the retarded guy with no friends. The only friend I have moved half way accross the world back in high school. I'm one of the youngest and smartest people in the place, yet nobody will talk to me. I thought my problems would go away when left Jr. High, but they have been getting worse ever since. The only reason everyone knows that i'm Autistic is because some idiot spred the word around the entire school, and now everyone hates me. Right now I live in an apartment alone, my only friend being my computer. I don't really have any other problems with life, I'm just alone.

 

Dude, the only retarded people are the people staying away from you. As far as im considered your not "retarded" one bit. I can see you try hard at your university, you even try harder with your "disability", people should respect you for that and thats all anyone should care about. Theirs no reason for people to stray away from you, everyone just wants to follow the heard like wild sheep.

Good luck man, and hey, you still have the internet.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Can I really say I'm stressed about anything? Nah. No matter how much shit gets stacked, it's easy to deal with it. I have a mom that will absolutely shoot me if I get anything in school below a 90, but hey, I look at the bright side. Sure, it's not fun and if I ever falter I can kiss parts of my life goodbye for awhile, but she's only looking out for my future. Sure, my dad hates me with a burning passion, but he's never home and when he is home, we watch American Football together and have a good time. I look at the positives; I've got the best damn girl a guy could ever want, excellent grades, colleges looking for me and scholarships coming to me for Pre-med and Medical School. Sure, no Harvard yet, but maybe one day. :)

 

My point is, stress is actually very healthy and will push you towards excellence. 6th-beginning of 9th grade I was an absolute wreck. Made fun of by tons of kids cause I asked a girl out, dislocated my shoulder due to an asshole in 8th grade, fucking up in Biology last year because of a terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible teacher. But hey, this is what has happened in 10th grade so far. The girl I asked out is now a pot-coke-heroin addict and is expelled from school, the kid who dislocated my shoulder actually told me he's sorry and now we're cool, and the teacher is now out of a job due to the fact of how bad a teacher she was. Karma is a bitch, but its also rewarding.

 

Point is; no matter how high the shit is stacked, just keep moving forward. The day looks foggy, but on the otherside of the fog its a bright new tomorrow.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Four people very close to my family died last year along with our dog. On top of that, my grandmother is now essentially incapacitated in the hospital with cancer in her kidneys, lungs, vocal cords and bones. As if that weren't enough, one of my closest friend's grandmothers has just been diagnosed with leukemia.

 

My computer died a week ago and it cost me 40 USD to replace--not a huge deal but stil annoying for a soon-to-be college student. I'm currently stacked with Psychology and Statistics homework, which is tedious for both and obscure for the former.

 

That's about all for now, I guess.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Rainbow Dash, you're a moderator. It's highly unprofessional to constantly argue with the forum members, when simply using your moderator powers would suffice. Threads getting off topic? Instead of flipping out at people and complaining that they don't listen to you and you might as well not be a moderator, a topic split and gentle reminder would suffice. People get into discussions, it's not an attack against you. If someone's legitimately flaming or had a bad idea for a topic, then getting rid of the topic / post would suffice, rather than having a two page argument. It doesn't make anyone happy, and people are even less likely to listen to you if they feel you don't respect them. I always see you arguing in the shoutbox and that's just really not the way to assist running a community.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Rainbow Dash, you're a moderator. It's highly unprofessional to constantly argue with the forum members, when simply using your moderator powers would suffice. Threads getting off topic? Instead of flipping out at people and complaining that they don't listen to yo and you might as well not be a moderator, a topic split and gentle reminder would suffice. People get into discussions, it's not an attack against you. If someone's legitimately flaming or had a bad idea for a topic, then getting rid of the topic / post would suffice, rather than having a two page argument. It doesn't make anyone happy, and people are even less likely to listen to you if they feel you don't respect them.

 

Yes, yes. You're right. And I know people tend to get in discussions, it's just I feel(and as the latest post by Zeth in the URA topic basically says) there are some topics you shouldn't derail with completely unrelated discussion. But that topic is fine now, thanks to the new rules for it set forth, thank God...

 

Also, you're right about the flaming part. Good idea. But I really didn't want to get rid of this topic, due to the fact amidst the flaming are plenty of people posting heartfelt messages about their problems, and I would have felt rude to delete it all. But you're right, I shouldn't have participated in that bogus argument. I should have just left his first response to me in here alone. Eh, yeah... you're right about the respect thing, too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have nearly no friends outside of the internet. Everyone at my univercity is scarred of me because I have very-mild Autism. So everyone thinks of me as the retarded guy with no friends. The only friend I have moved half way accross the world back in high school. I'm one of the youngest and smartest people in the place, yet nobody will talk to me. I thought my problems would go away when left Jr. High, but they have been getting worse ever since. The only reason everyone knows that i'm Autistic is because some idiot spred the word around the entire school, and now everyone hates me. Right now I live in an apartment alone, my only friend being my computer. I don't really have any other problems with life, I'm just alone.

 

I'm autistic too and I haven't let that stop me do ANYTHING, ever.

 

I've found hanging out with nerdy people usually helps build your self confidence to begin with, as it's still social interaction. Also, image make over helps quite a bit. For example, I wasn't always the best kept person, and I didn't entirely realise it until I caught some rather... not flattering pictures.

 

For example, I was in your position when I kind of looked like this:

 

Posted Image

 

Not bad, but hardly awesome either. Messy hair all the time, didn't matter what I wore, etc.

 

Posted Image

 

Then I grew my hair long. Problem was, it was still the same issues but now I had long hair.

 

Posted Image

 

I also graduated and became Superman - but that's not really relevant here :)

 

Posted Image

 

I then decided to have it straightened and cut a little. Improvement, but there still wasn't something quite there. You can't entirely see it, but I was also gaining a bit of weight too.

 

Posted Image

 

And then I was like, fuck it. Cut all my hair off, decided to don a suit and shirt, and grab an awesome pair of shades along the way. Now I feel awesome.

 

You see, the thing is - there's a big difference between me and the first shot and the last shot. Obviously, yes, I look a lot sexier and fucking awesome, but the bigger difference is how I feel on the inside, and that's a lot more confident. You see, when you look good, you feel good.

 

And well, when you feel good, you kind of exert yourself differently - even if it's not in a massive way people can notice a different aura about you. It's called confidence.

 

Now, confidence isn't developed overnight. Just like a great video game, it takes a fair while to nuture and tune it to perfection. However, it gets easier as it goes along. If you don't feel overly comfortable approaching people, a good way is to, well, throw yourself in at the deep end, and grab yourself a shop job. In that line of work, you HAVE to meet and greet and you HAVE to get a dialog going. End of the day, it's only customers - 95% of them you probably won't see again and their overall opinion of you isn't of the highest importance either. These are the best kind of training wheels for confidence building - a place where you can build your confidence and overcome your shyness while having the safety net of not having to deal with that certain person within the next 5-10 minutes. If you mess up a little, oh well. There's always the next person and the customer will just shrug it off anyway and not really care.

 

Take it from someone who has done exactly what I've just said. While, yes, I haven't 100% got over my shyness and not always 100% confidence, I've come leaps and bounds from where I used to be 5 years ago and it's all from what I've done above.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have autism as well, aspergers to be specific. I'm still working through it, but I've made much progress in life.

 

In other issues, I wish my town had 4G LTE (I have verizon), I also am really thinking about unlocking the bootloader (aka jailbreaking in android), I keep hesitating though. Maybe I'm waiting for a aosp Rom to be completed before I pull the trigger. Sense is alright, but I'd like speed and more battery to play around with.

 

Ruling the air with 4G LTE on the HTC Rezound.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm autistic too and I haven't let that stop me do ANYTHING, ever.

 

I've found hanging out with nerdy people usually helps build your self confidence to begin with, as it's still social interaction. Also, image make over helps quite a bit. For example, I wasn't always the best kept person, and I didn't entirely realise it until I caught some rather... not flattering pictures.

 

For example, I was in your position when I kind of looked like this:

 

Posted Image

 

Not bad, but hardly awesome either. Messy hair all the time, didn't matter what I wore, etc.

 

Posted Image

 

Then I grew my hair long. Problem was, it was still the same issues but now I had long hair.

 

Posted Image

 

I also graduated and became Superman - but that's not really relevant here :)

 

Posted Image

 

I then decided to have it straightened and cut a little. Improvement, but there still wasn't something quite there. You can't entirely see it, but I was also gaining a bit of weight too.

 

Posted Image

 

And then I was like, fuck it. Cut all my hair off, decided to don a suit and shirt, and grab an awesome pair of shades along the way. Now I feel awesome.

 

You see, the thing is - there's a big difference between me and the first shot and the last shot. Obviously, yes, I look a lot sexier and fucking awesome, but the bigger difference is how I feel on the inside, and that's a lot more confident. You see, when you look good, you feel good.

 

And well, when you feel good, you kind of exert yourself differently - even if it's not in a massive way people can notice a different aura about you. It's called confidence.

 

Now, confidence isn't developed overnight. Just like a great video game, it takes a fair while to nuture and tune it to perfection. However, it gets easier as it goes along. If you don't feel overly comfortable approaching people, a good way is to, well, throw yourself in at the deep end, and grab yourself a shop job. In that line of work, you HAVE to meet and greet and you HAVE to get a dialog going. End of the day, it's only customers - 95% of them you probably won't see again and their overall opinion of you isn't of the highest importance either. These are the best kind of training wheels for confidence building - a place where you can build your confidence and overcome your shyness while having the safety net of not having to deal with that certain person within the next 5-10 minutes. If you mess up a little, oh well. There's always the next person and the customer will just shrug it off anyway and not really care.

 

Take it from someone who has done exactly what I've just said. While, yes, I haven't 100% got over my shyness and not always 100% confidence, I've come leaps and bounds from where I used to be 5 years ago and it's all from what I've done above.

 

For sure changing my look would boost my confidence (I look like a very tall, skinny middle schooler with a beard) I've been getting help for years, but nothing has been really helping my problems. I need to think up something that will help me deal with my stress.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Either talking to a councellor, or going for a run helps. Going for a run helps you deal with stress as you're taking in a lot more oxygen and blood is running round more, which helps out your brain (and your heart, but that's not really what this is about). When going for a run you're getting all of that excess stress and anger out in one fell swoop, as well as giving yourself dedicated time to run stuff through your head and process it. The problem with Uni is that it's always very hands on and you don't get enough "you" time -- which is doubly bad for an autistic guy like yourself who struggles with general social norms anyway, as you've got the general life bullshit running around in your head as well as the other shit running around in your head because you're being perceived as "different".

 

So yeah, taking some time out just to catalogue all of the shit going through your head just so you can deal with it is a massive stress buster.

 

I'd also recommend getting some Yoga or Tai Chi in your life, if you can. Did you know a lot of Chinese men that do Tai-Chi (or other relative relaxation-based martial arts) are fitter when they're 90-odd then most men in their 30s in the US? Obviously it relaxes you AND makes you fitter.

 

Hope that helps.

 

EDIT: Also, you should probably give yourself a break too. Yes, I know that in this PC world autistic people shouldn't be given major leverage or treated differently or whatever, but well, you are different, you deal with some shit not as well as other shit. And well, I'm guessing you're not too great at big crowds and social interaction, and at Uni, you're pretty much massively forced into that. If you're not quite comfortable with that, that's fine, you shouldn't feel bad or be stressed out that you're getting stressed out (vicious cycle) just because other people aren't stressing out over the same scenario. End of the day, "perfectly normal" people get stressed or anxious if they're in a small room (claustrophobia) or they're near spiders or whatever. Everyone's got a fear of something, so just because your fear relates to your aspergers it doesn't mean you or other people should just shrug it off as "oh, he's autistic, doesn't matter". Throw a spider at someone who's scared of spiders and they wouldn't go "oh, he's got arachnophobia, it doesn't matter" so the same rule applies.

 

Now, I'm not saying "you have aspergers so therefore nothing can be done about this so why bother", because that's not true, you should push yourself to try and alleviate those fears. However, you shouldn't beat yourself up because you're stressed about being stressy over your fears, that's not fair on yourself and it won't help anyone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What calms me the most is drawing. Although I always want to show people my art, but I am always way to shy to show it off to anyone. My URA npc contest entry (which is my profile pic) is the only piece of art I've shown to anyone. I don't know if that has much to do with this thread though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.